C. and Y.

Part 1

 

Carlton sat with Yara around the little table in the on-campus pub returning her nervous smile. Neither of them had ever been particularly social with strangers, but their professor had assigned them to a team for a group project. Yara had been particularly grateful for the accommodation of letting Carlton be on the team with her.

 

The pictures and memorabilia supported all the school teams, but he’d never been much of a fan of athletics. Luckily it was a slow night, not enough people to make them uncomfortable. Noisy restaurants made Yara very uneasy, and he didn’t care much for crowds.

 

Carlton thought of the other three teammates as the ‘sorority girls’ without knowing if they were in one. They were always made up and dressed fashionably whenever he saw them. They were sharing a drink after figuring out their presentation topic and roles.

 

“How long have you guys been friends?” Kami asked them. She was the cutesy type with burgundy hair, designer clothes, and perfect makeup.

 

“Friends? I thought you were twins?” Britney jumped in running her hand through her spiky dark hair. 

 

Carlton shared a knowing look with Yara. They’ve gotten the question before.

 

“How could they be twins? Her hair is dark, and his nose is way bigger. No offense.” Courtney argued.

 

Yara covered her mouth with one hand and put the other on top of Carlton’s. Carlton just bit his lip contemplating a reply.

 

“Carlton is like my brother, and we were born on the same day. But we’re not blood-related.” Yara laughed before nervously taking a drink of her beer.

 

“You really have the same birthday?” Kami’s eyes bounce between them. Carlton and Yara nodded in unison. “That’s so sweet.” Kami leaned on the table.

 

“Our moms met in the hospital after we were born. Yara was a C-Section, and I was in the NICU for a while.” Carlton nudged Yara with his knee under the table in solidarity. She nudged him back. Her social anxiety was always worse than his.

 

“Oh my God! Did you have a birth defect?” Courtney said a little too loudly.

 

“Court!” Kami chastised.

 

“What?!?” Courtney looked around the table in confusion. Her blonde ponytail bobbed around her shoulders.

 

“Carlton was a preemie, which is the only reason he’s older. He cut in line.” Yara playfully chucked Carlton on the arm. He rolled his eyes at her. 

 

“Which means you’re supposed to respect your elder.” He wagged a finger at her. Sticking to the lines they’ve repeated most of their lives.

 

“Drink your beer.” She raised her mug to clink with his, so he toasted with her.

 

“Wait, so you’ve literally been friends your whole lives?” Britney asked.

 

“Yep. Our moms became best friends, so we didn’t really have a choice.” Carlton nudged his shoulder into Yara’s.

 

“But you two are close. I see you together all the time.” Courtney crossed her arms like she was arguing.

 

“Okay, you caught us, we’re actually best friends, too,” Yara quietly confessed as if it had a been secret.

 

“Aw, so you are like twins,” Kami cooed.

 

“Yeah, pretty much inseparable. She even followed me to the University,” Carlton lied.

 

“No, this was my first pick, not yours!” Yara pushed him with her fist, and he laughed.

 

“I came here because they have the best sororities,” Courtney crowed. Carlton chuckled to himself.

 

“My mom came here, and it was her dream for me to come here, too.” Britney shrugged tugging at the strings to her hoodie. Carlton ignored the plunging neckline of her white blouse that left her black bra visible.

 

“I came for the parties.” Kami laughed and clinked mugs with Britney, quickly followed by Courtney.

 

“We should meet weekly, at least until we get the bulk of the work done. Does this time work for everyone?” Kami scanned the table as everyone nodded.

 

“Next week we should meet in the library to kick off research. We can grab grub after, yeah?” Britney glanced between the sorority girls and Carlton and Yara.

 

“Fine, but this is really going to put a damper on my social life,” Courtney whined.

 

“Court, you don’t need to worry about your social life. You’re not going to get many dates with your roots showing.” Britney winked at Kami.

 

“Shut. Up. My roots are showing?” Courtney picked up her phone and used it as a mirror to see the top of her head. She suddenly jumped up and dashed to the restroom.

 

“Oops. I better go calm her down.” Britney followed after Courtney.

 

Carlton looked at Yara who gave him a micro shrug. She hardly wore makeup or fussed with her hair and Carlton never thought much of fashion. They were both out of their element with the sorority girls.

 

“Um, so, what are your majors?” Kami’s eyes danced from Carlton to Yara.

 

“Computer engineering.” Carlton turned to Yara who was twirling her fingers in her curly brown hair. She hated the curls, but Carlton knew she didn’t have the patience to straighten it. He rather liked the curls anyway and didn’t mind helping her brush out the tangles.

 

“Math.” Yara looked down shyly.

 

“Oh, my God, you two are a perfect pair.” Kami laughed. She took another drink of her beer while holding them in her judging gaze.

 

“So, uh, how about you?” Carlton deflected.

 

“Pre-law” Kami licked her lips.

 

“Oh, I…” Carlton expected fashion, communications, or maybe political science.

 

“Didn’t see that coming?” Kami snickered.

 

“No, I…”

 

“It’s fine. I get it. No one expects the pretty girls to do more than fashion.” Kami twisted her mouth to one side. 

 

“Sorry, you’re right. I was judgmental.” Carlton hung his head.

 

“Law? You’re going to be a lawyer.” Yara jumped in. Carlton appreciated her rescue.

 

“That’s the plan.” Kami gave a slight nod to Carlton. He accepted forgiveness with a tip of his head.

 

“I don’t get law. It’s supposed to be rules but ends up so subjective. Do you like it?” Yara scrunched her nose.

 

“The law? It’s fine. I enjoy the debate; always have. Drove my parents nuts. How about you guys? Mad scientists around the house?”

 

“Oh, no, we got along great with our moms. We rarely got in trouble.” Yara finished her beer.

 

“You guys want another round?” Kami reached for her purse.

 

“No. We need to get going soon anyway.” Yara shook her head.

 

Britney led Courtney back to the table who was now wearing a scarf tied in a bow around her head.

 

“Oh, Court, your roots weren’t noticeable. You looked fine.” Kami put a hand on Courtney’s arm.

 

“I know. Hey, it’s been fun, but I’m going to bounce. See you guys next week?” Courtney’s eyes scanned the table without making eye contact. She then turned and walked towards the exit.

 

“Fuck. Sorry. See you guys later.” Britney trailed after Courtney.

 

“I’m going to help Courtney touch up her roots. She’s not going to rest until she feels perfect. Great meeting you both. I’ll grab a table in the library next week and text you the location.” Kami grabbed her and Britney’s purses and dashed after them.

 

Carlton heard a chair slide next to him and turned to find Yara standing next to him.

 

“Can we go back to my room and sit in the quiet for a while?” She was holding her arm across her midsection squeezing her elbow.

 

“Sure.” Carlton smiled at his bestie whose social meter was spent.

 

 

Each week the group study session followed the same pattern. Progress on the project followed with drinks and snacks somewhere on or near campus. The sorority girls generally liked to steer the conversation back to Carlton and Yara.

 

When Courtney suggested a drinking game, Carlton agreed in the hopes it would keep them from more quizzing. The game selected was based on asking embarrassing questions, which Carlton immediately regretted. This wasn’t going to end well for them.

 

When Kami’s turn came around, she stared hard at Carlton for a moment before turning to Yara.

 

“What’s your most embarrassing nickname?”

 

“Pass.” Yara and Carlton said in unison.

 

The sorority girls giggled and looked at each other conspiratorially.

 

“Nope. Not this time, this sounds too juicy to let you drink your way out of it.” Kami shook her head.

 

“Yeah, dish,” Britney pleaded.

 

“I gave up my most embarrassing moment, so you two owe me,” Courtney whined.

 

Carlton looked at Yara pleading with his eyes. She shrugged.

 

“Shit.” Carlton covered his face with his hands.

 

“When we were little, our moms were talking about us.” Yara paused. “They thought they were being subtle by saying ‘C. and Y.’ Carlton was always the smarty pants. He exclaimed, ‘We’re getting candy?!?’ Our moms laughed and agreed to keep us distracted. So, our families call us ‘candy’ when referring to us collectively. And since we’re always together, it happens a lot.”

 

“Despite our protests,” Carlton groaned.

 

“That’s sweet.” Kami winked at them.

 

“Oh, that’s terrible and an awful pun.” Britney shook her head at Kami.

 

“I would die, literally die, if my parents did that to me,” Courtney complained.

 

Britney kicked Courtney under the table.

 

“Ow, what?” Courtney glared and Britney. 

 

To Carlton’s relief, the bickering broke up the game and the group meeting ended not long after.

 

 

A few weeks later Carlton and Kami were assigned to research. They’d finished in the library and were catching a late dinner in the cafeteria. Carlton looked up from his ravioli to catch Kami staring at him.

 

“What? Do I have sauce on my face?” Carlton dabbed his napkin at his mouth.

 

“No, I was just wondering how long you’ve had the hots for Yara.” Kami gave him a conspiratorial smile.

 

“What? No. She’s my best friend.” Carlton looked around the room to see if anyone nearby was listening.

 

“Dude, I saw you checking out her cleavage last week when she bent over in that oversized sweater. It kept slipping around showing off that sexy bra.”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

“Liar. There’s no shame, she’s hot and that outfit was smoking. I was starting to wonder if she was doing it on purpose. And those tights… mmmm… but that damn sweater kept getting in the way.”

 

“Wait, were you checking her out, too?” Carlton stared at her in disbelief.

 

“So, you do at admit it?”

 

Carton looked around the room again.

 

“Come on, I just outed myself to you. You can trust me.” Kami reached across the table and rested a hand on his.

 

“Twelve.”

 

“Twelve years?”

 

“Twelve years old.” Carlton ran his hand down the side of his face.

 

“Oh shit. You’ve been pining for her for like half your life. Do you remember the moment?”

 

“Oh, yeah. Not something I’m likely to forget. It hit me like lightning.”

 

“Tell me?” Kami asked gently.

 

Carlton stared off to the corner of the room.

 

“Yara’s family had gotten a pool, and we swam pretty much every day all summer. Once school started, opportunities were getting fewer. We would rush over to her house and jump in. She was talking about how she wished we could just swim for the rest of the day instead of doing homework.”

 

Carlton panned back to Kami who was listening in rapt silence.

 

“She wished we could just swim together forever and that’s when it hit me. It was all I wanted, too. I told her when we grow up, we can. She laughed and agreed, but I could tell she didn’t mean it like me.”

 

Carlton looked down at his clenched hands and flexed circulation back in them.

 

“When we sat down to do our homework, she looked up and me and asked what I was thinking. I’m staring at her face, thinking about what it would be like to kiss her. Suddenly I blurted out, ‘You’re a girl,’ like it’s a great shock. She said, ‘Of course, I’m a girl,’ rolled her eyes at me, and started her math homework. I was confused and embarrassed. My face was getting hot. I jumped up and dashed to the bathroom. That’s when I realized Yara wasn’t a girl. She was a woman. And I was a man.” Carlton looked around again and took a bigger drink.

 

“Talk about coming of age. Has she given any hint that she feels the same?” Kami asked.

 

“No.”

 

“What about other guys?”

 

“As our classmates started to pair off in high school, Yara rebuffed any attention. She confided to me about her disinterest in dating. She found men attractive. She had celebrity crushes, but when it came to relationships there was no spark.”

 

“Okay, well that’s good right?” Kami tipped her head.

 

“Sure. But I’ve never been the ‘if I can’t have her, no one will’ type.”

 

“Is she more asexual?”

 

“Yara was never an affectionate person. As far as I know, and if anyone was going to know it’s me, she never hugged anyone from school but me. But her hugs are always brief and sisterly.”

 

“Is that a ‘yes’ then?”

 

“Our families have always understood that Yara is probably on the spectrum. But she’s never had enough difficulties to call for diagnosis or treatment. We just accept that she doesn’t prefer to be touched and doesn’t always communicate the same as everyone else.”

 

“Ah, autism makes a lot of sense.” Kami looked up.

 

They sat in silence for a moment.

 

“Have you ever talked about your feelings or asked her out?” Kami asked.

 

“No.” He shook his head.

 

“Why not?”

 

“I can’t risk our friendship.”

 

“You can’t cope with rejection?”

 

“I can’t cope with her avoiding me. If she didn’t want to be around me because I had feelings… I can’t imagine life without her.” Carlton shivered at the thought.

 

“You really think she’d bail on you if you admitted how you feel?” Kami shook her head.

 

“I don’t know how she’d react. But I won’t risk putting a wedge between us.” Carlton raised his hands.

 

“Don’t sell her short. You should consider giving her a chance.” Kami captured Carlton’s hands and held them gently.

 

“Okay, I’ll think about it, but it’s a huge risk. It would change everything.”

 

“Maybe. If it did, it could change everything for the better.” She patted his hands. Kami let the topic drop and the two finished their meal mostly in silence while her words sunk in. But the possibility of hope was too much to wish for.

 

 

A month into the project, the full team was together again. They had a library conference room to themselves. Progress was steady. Carlton and Yara were focused on research, with some help from the others. Britney was laying out the storyboard and Courtney was preparing the slide deck. Kami was preparing presentation notes.

 

“Carlton you’re a little dude. Have you always been so small?” Courtney blurted out.

 

“Damn, Court, zero chill.” Britney bristled.

 

“What?” Courtney looked around defensively.

 

“It’s part of being a premie. It stunts your growth.” Carlton explained. He had long ago come to terms with being the runt of the class.

 

“So, you’ve always been a little dude.” Courtney looked around at each of them as if vindicated.

 

“He’s the same height of me. He’s normal sized.” Yara sounded offended.

 

“But you’re like five foot, so that’s not really normal sized for a guy,” Courtney persisted. Britney held up her hands toward Courtney with exasperation.

 

“No overcompensation in other areas?” Kami raised her eyebrows at Yara.

 

Yara gasped and blushed.

 

“I… I wouldn’t know.” She ducked her face toward her laptop.

 

“Oh my god.” Carlton buried his face in his hands.

 

“Oh, come on you two have been together your whole lives and you’ve never checked out his package?”

 

“I’m right here. I’m literally sitting right here,” Carlton said into his hands.

 

“Fine, he’s got some advantages,” Yara whispered.

 

Carlton looked up to see Yara’s blushing face. The sorority girls started giggling among themselves. Yara made I contact and mouthed, ‘Sorry,’ to him. Behind Yara’s back, Kami held up a finger gun at Carlton and winked.

 

Carlton rejected the notion that Yara could have looked at him the same way he had looked at her, but he couldn’t help the pride that she’d checked him out and found him better than other guys.

 

 

Carlton met with Kami at the campus pub after she messaged him that she had questions about some of the content he researched. As he sat down at her table, he found she had two beers at the table, one in front of her and one across.

 

“Who else is here?” He asked as he sat in the open seat next to her.

 

“That’s for you, dumbass.” Kami laughed and shook her head.

 

“Oh, thanks.” He pulled the mug in front of himself sheepishly and took a sip. “How can I help? You don’t have your laptop?”

 

“The question isn’t how you can help me; it’s how am I going to help you?”

 

“I don’t understand, Yara is doing research with me.” Carlton shook his head.

 

“Forget about the project for right now. What holiday is coming up?”

 

“I don’t know, we just had MLK. I think President’s Day is next.”

 

“Nope, you’re missing one.” Kami rolled her eyes.

 

Carlton stared at her blankly.

 

“Valentine’s Day.” Kami grinned broadly.

 

“That’s not a school holiday.”

 

“Oh, God! No wonder you’re single, dude.”

 

Carlton cocked his head at her.

 

“You are not planning on setting me up.” Carton put a hand to his forehead.

 

“Just hear me out.” Kami raised her palms toward Carlton.

 

“This is a bad idea.”

 

“Are you going to listen?”

 

Carlton shrugged and took a drink.

 

“Good boy. Here’s my plan. She doesn’t like attention and doesn’t really have any interest in other guys, right?”

 

Carlton nodded.

 

“Then, she wouldn’t be keen on someone else asking her out?”

 

“You’re going to ask her out?” Carton asked in confusion.

 

“No, I mean, not that I wouldn’t, but we’re here to focus on you. I got me covered. Stay on topic. There is a guy in class that’s got an eye for Yara.”

 

“What?!? Who?” Heat flared in Carlton’s face.

 

“Eww, you do have it bad for her. Is that a little green monster poking out?”

 

“I don’t know what you mean.”

 

“Relax, a little jealousy isn’t a bad thing. And like you said, she’s never had an eye for anyone, right?”

 

“I’m not jealous.” Carlton leaned back.

 

“Right. Anyway, I happen to know someone in class has his eye on her. So, if I casually were to mention it, you could preemptively ask her out.”

 

“She’d just say no to us both.”

“But your odds of getting a ‘yes’ are much better if you have backup when you ask.” Kami gestured to herself.

 

“I don’t like this. I don’t want to trick her into going out with me.”

 

“So, you’ll just ask her directly then?”

 

“Someday. Please don’t do this.”

 

“Carlton, you’ve got to step up to the plate and take a swing. Eventually someone else is going to beat you to it and you’ll miss your chance. I don’t want someone else to steal your happily ever after. And you don’t want to confess after she’s with someone else.”

 

Carlton drank his beer as the gravity of Kami’s suggestions sunk in. If Yara were with someone else because he didn’t show his hand, he would be crushed. But was it worth the risk?

 

Part 2

 

In February, they sat in the cafeteria with some classmates working on a group project. Several of the girls were discussing their Valentine’s plans with boyfriends and crushes. 

 

“Yara, I hear Fred is going to ask you out.” Kami giggled.

 

Carlton looked at her in horror barely keeping a straight face. He subtly shook his head.

 

“Mmmm, he’s kinda hot. You should totally jump on that,” Britney cooed.

 

“Yes! I’m shipping this. You two would totally make a cute couple,” Courtney added on.

 

Carlton forgot his train of thought when Yara gripped his hand.

 

“No, I… a… already have plans,” Yara stammered.

 

A collective “oh” went around the table as everyone was suddenly staring at them.

 

“Oh, I didn’t know you were dating anyone.” Kami cocked her head at Yara.

 

Yara turned towards Carlton and away from the group. She had panic on her face and tears in her eyes. She interlaced her fingers in his. It took him a moment to grasp what she wanted.

 

“It’s new. We’ve been friends for so long we’re keeping it low-key and slow. We didn’t want to risk losing what we have.” Yara gave the barest of nods to Carlton and she squeezed his hand.

 

“Speaking of which, Yara promised to help me match my tie since I’m color-blind. See you guys next week.” Carlton quickly shoved his laptop into his backpack and stood up to leave. Yara was already ahead of him.

 

“Color-blind?” Yara asked as soon as they got outside.

 

“It was the first thing I could think of. I knew you needed out.”

 

“You have no idea. I’m sorry about making up the date. I panicked, too.”

 

“And now I have to get a tie.” Carlton chuckled.

 

“A red one.” 

 

“Oh, yeah. Smart.”

 

“I know.” Yara smiled at him.

 

They walked in silence as Carlton’s heart thumped hard. They got to the dorm and into the elevator. As the door closed, Carlton was suddenly self-conscious about being completely alone with Yara, something they’d done a million times. 

 

“Thank you for rescuing me. We don’t really have to go out on Valentine’s Day.” Yara studied her shoes.

 

“What? We’ve been looking forward to this date for weeks.” He laughed with as much sincerity as he could muster.

 

The door opened on his floor. He hesitated. He turned from the door to face Yara. She reached out and hugged him. He gripped her back and inhaled a deep breath bracing himself to let go. Her cheek brushed his and froze. She pulled back and he reluctantly released her.

 

“Good night,” she said as she stepped back.

 

“Good night.” He staggered backward out of the elevator.

 

The door closed. He still felt the heat of her skin on his face. Did she accidentally bump him? Was she being affectionate? Was she just grateful to not be under so much scrutiny? He didn’t sleep a wink trying to process all the possibilities. He told himself not to get his hopes up. He was a brother to her. It didn’t work, but if he said it enough, maybe it eventually would.

 

 

In the days leading up to Valentine’s Day, she gave him multiple opportunities to back out. He worried she didn’t really want to go. He’d already made reservations at a fancy Italian restaurant.

 

“No, I want to go. It’ll be fun.” Carlton meant it more than she knew.

 

“I don’t want you to go to a bunch of trouble and expense. I can’t believe you bought a suit.”

 

“You got a dress.”

 

“Yeah, but I can wear it for other occasions. When are you going to wear a suit?”

 

“I don’t know. I’m sure I can use it again. Presentations? Maybe I’ll get a job. I can wear it at the interview.” He took a bite of pizza as they sat in the campus café.

 

“You’re going to get a job just so you can wear your suit to the interview?” She chuckled and shook her head.

 

“I’m just saying it could come in handy to have on hand. It’s not a waste.”

 

“Sure. I just feel silly going to so much effort for a pretend date.”

 

“Okay. You’re right. I accept your suggestion. I won’t pretend. Deal?” Carlton held his breath hanging on her response fighting to keep a neutral expression.

 

“Whatever. It’s a date, but I’m not sleeping with you.” She laughed with exaggeration. Carlton took a deep breath and hoped he didn’t react.

 

“Ha. Ha. You’re the one trapping me in the date. I’m the one whose virtue is at risk.”

 

“Psh. Right, buddy. I’m the vamp who is going to steal your virginity.”

 

Carlton looked around to make sure no one was listening.

 

“Virgin? Why do you think I’m a virgin?” Carlton whispered.

 

“Please. If you’d gotten lucky, you know I’d be the first to know.” She spoke more intimately.

 

Carton gasped and Yara blushed hard at her slip.

 

“Second! You know what I mean.”

 

“I knew it, you are jonesing for me.” He leaned back covering his mouth with his hand. His heart hammered at the possibilities suggested.

 

“You got me.” She cocked her head and raised an eyebrow. “I want to do…,” her voice dropped into a husky tone, “dirty, dirty things to you.” She leaned forward looking intently into his eyes.

 

“Fuck me,” escaped, but barely aloud.

 

“Yesss, that’s the idea,” She spoke barely audible with a seduction he didn’t know she was capable of.

 

He fought to keep from panting. He bit the inside of his lower lip.

 

Yara started laughing. Carlton blew out a long breath.

 

“I got you,” she accused him.

 

“What?” He looked away hoping he was keeping his poker face.

 

“You didn’t even know I could go full succubus on you.”

 

“Whatever.” He stared across the room while he squeezed the arms of the chair.

 

“You’re right, this is going to be fun just to make you squirm.” Yara looked out the window.

 

Carlton looked intently at Yara’s profile silhouetted against the sunset just beginning to color the sky trying to divine her motives, but her passive face betrayed none of her thoughts. 

 

She returned his look.

 

“Carlton, if I have to have a first date, I’m glad it’s with you,” she said with a hint of a smile.

 

He swallowed.

 

“Yara, I wouldn’t have anyone else be mine.”

 

“Liar. Laura Myers asked to the Sadie Hawkins dance in eighth grade. She was your first date.” Her brows furrowed.

 

“I didn’t go.” He looked away from her.

 

“Yes, you did.”

 

“No, I chickened out. I called her and canceled at the last minute. I said I was sick.” Carlton closed his eyes.

 

“But why?”

 

“I didn’t want…”

 

“Want what?”

 

“I didn’t want her to be my first kiss.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“She wasn’t the one…” Carlton opened his eyes and looked at Yara. “I didn’t like her like that.”

 

“Oh, well, I guess that was the right thing to do. Why didn’t you tell me back then?”

 

“Um, I didn’t want you to tease me about it. And I felt bad.”

 

“You were trying to do the right thing. And I’m still going to tease you.” She smiled playfully at Carlton.

 

Carlton smiled back with every confidence she would.

 

 

Valentine’s Day fell on a Friday. Luckily, he only had one class. He didn’t hear a word of the lecture. The professor didn’t even show up. He had his T.A. teach.

 

Always one to overthink, Carlton spent the afternoon plotting out contingencies. He worked out entire conversations. He strategized how to bump hands to see if she would hold his and how to ask her to go for a walk after dinner. He even practiced taking off his coat and holding it up for her to put on if the evening was cold.

 

He looked up the weather and the best route to the nearest park. He checked the pronunciations of the dishes he planned to order. He memorized conversation starters in case he ran out of things to talk about. When he ran out of things to do to prepare, he paced his room checking the timer he set for getting ready. His phone buzzed. It showed a text message from Yara.

 

Are you pacing yet?

 

Why would I be pacing?

 

You always pace when you’re nervous.

 

Why would I be nervous?

 

Because I’m nervous, too. I know it’s not a date-date, 
but we’ve never dressed up and gone out like this.

 

I don’t want to embarrass you.

 

Why would you even think that?

 

I don’t ‘people’ or ‘public’ well. You know that.

 

It’s just me tonight. Don’t think about anyone else.

 

Can I hold your hand so I can squeeze if I feel 
uncomfortable?

 

Of course. And we can pack up our food and go any time. 
We’ll just pretend like you can’t wait to get me alone. :)

 

LOL. Deal. Thank you. I’ll try not to ruin our night.

 

You can’t ruin the night. As long as I’m with you is 
all that matters.

 

Carlton froze. The second line came out without thinking. Maybe she won’t think anything about it. His phone showed she was typing, but no response came. He started pacing again.

 

The typing indicator cleared. He stood still. She started typing again. Was she going to cancel? Why was it taking so long for her to reply? She must be composing a long message. This can’t be good.

 

:)

 

Carlton sat down. What had she said but deleted? The alarm on his phone went off.

 

He didn’t take long to shower and get dressed. He didn’t need to bathe, but he stood in the hot water to try to relax. It didn’t help.

 

He fussed with his tie in the mirror. He’d practiced for a week. The knot was as good as it was going to get. He stopped touching it before he messed it up.

 

His phone dinged on the counter.

 

You’re already done getting ready, huh?

 

Yeah. We still have plenty of time for our reservation. 
Take your time.

 

Give me five more minutes, then come 
up and get me? Give your carpet a rest 
before you wear a hole. LOL

 

KK 

 

 

Five more minutes were agonizing. Carlton looked up a ride in Uber and found that there were cars all over town but none currently near campus. He summoned a ride and headed upstairs.

 

He was startled at Yara’s door when it opened as he raised his fist to knock. She snickered.

 

“You’re on time,” he blurted out.

 

“Hey, I’m not always late.” She locked her door and adjusted her cleavage.

 

“Just when you put on makeup.” Carlton looked away.

 

“I don’t do it too often.”

 

“You don’t need to.” 

 

She glanced at him as he pushed the button at the elevator. He smiled back. Her cheeks were already rose with blush, but he thought they picked up a little more color.

 

As they stood in the elevator listening to it hum the journey to the ground floor, Carlton fretted over what he should do. She didn’t prefer to be touched. Should he offer his arm? Ask if he can hold her hand or put an arm around her? Asking seemed so awkward. Offering his arm would be corny. 

 

“Would you put my phone in your coat? I don’t have pockets.” She held out her phone. 

 

The elevator chimed with their arrival as he dropped her device in his inner pocket.

 

“Alright, let’s give them a show.” Yara slipped a hand around Carlton’s bicep. He glanced to her and nodded with relief.

 

They walked through the sparsely populated common room of the dorm. A few people watched them pass. One of Carlton’s neighbors nodded to him with an approving grin.

 

Carlton escorted Yara to the waiting car and opened the door for her. Once he got inside, he rested his hand on the seat between them. She put her hand down next to his and looked out her window. Their pinkies touched. He didn’t dare move. It could have been incidental, but she didn’t pull away. Maybe tonight would be the night things changed for them.

 

As cars past, Carlton barely registered the movement through the streets. 

 

“Italian! My favorite.” Yara exclaimed. They were early for their reservation, but they were quickly seated. 

 

The restaurant was full, but it wasn’t crowded. He’d picked it because of its ample space and low population. They easily wound around the tables in white tablecloths and sat in a corner near the kitchen. A plant separated them from the nearest table making him feel they were secluded. The place was fancy, but he wanted something special for this night.

 

Carlton took in the scene. Yara looked perfect. While he’d know her anywhere, with her hair done up and makeup on, she hardly looked like herself.

 

“You’re beautiful.” Carlton squeaked out. He quickly covered his mouth with his napkin.

 

Yara’s eyes went wide before she looked at her lap. Her face turned bright red.

 

“Thanks. I’m not good at makeup.” She kept her face down.

 

“It looks perfect.”

 

“Stop. I’m not as good as Kami.”

 

“I always thought Kami, Britney, and Courtney looked a little over done.”

 

“Kami does well, but… don’t ever repeat this… Courtney always reminds me of a clown.”

 

“I thought the same thing when we first met.” Carlton looked around guiltily.

 

“Kami taught me how do my eyes. It’s supposed to be smoky.”

 

“It looks great. The blue complements your dress.”

 

“Britney and Kami took me shopping. I thought it was a little too low cut, but Kami insisted it was exactly the right dress.”

 

“She’s right. It’s like it was made to fit just you.”

 

“You don’t think it’s too much cleavage? I feel like it’s cut down to my navel.” She blushed again.

 

“It’s tasteful. You're in no danger of a malfunction. It’s just accentuating your curves.”

 

“I have curves?” Yara gasped in sincere surprise.

 

“Yara, you’re a woman,” Carlton whispered. “You have boobs,” he said even softer.

 

“Are they nice boobs?” She said with a hint of sarcasm as she looked into his eyes.

 

“You have the best boobs.” He gazed back into hers.

 

They both snickered.

 

The waiter arrived with water and asked their orders.

 

Yara nodded to Carlton who ordered spaghetti in meat sauce for her and raviolis for himself.

 

They talked about school and the books they were reading. The food arrived quickly, and they ate in silence.

 

Carlton noticed how carefully Yara worked to avoid making a mess with the sauce. He smiled.

 

“What? Did I make a mess?” Yara picked up her napkin and dabbed her face.

 

He noticed a spot on the side of her face.

 

“No, but you did get some right here.” He touched his cheek.

 

She tried to mirror him, but she missed the spot.

 

“Lower.”

 

She moved the napkin down, but instead of removing the sauce, it smudged. Carlton stifled a snicker.

 

“Did I get it?”

 

“No. Do you want help? It’s starting to smear.”

 

“Yes, but try not to mess up my makeup. I wouldn’t be able to fix it.”

 

Carlton put his napkin on her chin and lifted most of the liquid, but some was left behind. He licked his thumb like his mom had always done when he was a kid and stroked her face clean.

 

The feel of her skin against his fingers made his heart thump hard in his chest. He froze. Heat started in his center and rapidly radiated to his face.

 

“Is there more?” Yara brought him back into the restaurant.

 

Carlton used his grip on her chin to guide her face back and forth.

 

“I think that was it.” He put his napkin back in his lap and used a gulp of water to tame the fire burning within him.

 

“Thank you. You take the best care of me.”

 

“Because you deserve the best care.” He held her eyes in his as he sat his glass down. She looked away.

 

They ate in silence until their plates were nearly clean.

 

Carlton was pushing the last bite around wondering if he’d be sick if he forced it down when he heard Yara gasp. He looked up then followed her gaze across the room. Fred had come in with a brunette with curly hair. The host sat them at the table across from Carlton and Yara.

 

Yara looked up at Carlton with wide eyes.

 

“You want to go?”

 

She nodded slightly.

 

Yara had put her hand on the table. Carlton reached out and took it. She squeezed. He squeezed back twice quickly. He raised his other hand to flag their waiter, who disrupted his trip to the kitchen to come to their table.

 

“Did you decide on dessert?”

 

“Yes, we’d like to pay our check.” Carlton pulled his credit card from his chest pocket and held it out to the waiter.

 

“Of course.” He took the card. He walked over to the cashier station and picked up a folder. After running the machine, he brought the folder back to Carlton. 

 

“I hope you enjoyed your visit.” He handed over the bill to Carlton.

 

“Yes, everything was excellent.” Carlton didn’t bother calculating a tip and just wrote down an appropriately large round number.

 

“Thank you, enjoy the rest of your evening.” The waiter winked as he signaled to a busser.

 

Carlton and Yara walked out hand in hand as their classmate seated at the table next to them with his date. Everyone nodded their greetings.

 

Once outside, they noticed more people waiting to get into the restaurant.

 

“Would you like to go for a walk?” Carlton asked Yara.

 

“Yes, please. I’d rather not wait here for a ride.” Yara coiled an arm around Carlton’s arm as they walked away. He savored the warmth of her body. With the sun just below the horizon, the air had turned brisk.

 

“It’s getting a little chilly. Do you want my coat?”

 

“I’m fine.” Her goosebumps betrayed her.

 

“Take my jacket. You’re going to start shivering.” He took off his coat and held it up for her to slip on.

 

She put it on and resumed her position on his arm. 

 

“Now you’re going to get cold.” She rubbed his upper arm with her hand vigorously.

 

“I’m fine as long as you hold me close.”

 

She held his arm with both hands and leaned against his shoulder.

 

“Better?”

 

“Perfect.” He leaned his head against the top of hers for a second or two.

 

He drank in the moment of bliss savoring every sip. They turned the corner at the end of the street and the sky lit up in reds and pinks over the park down the street. Sharing a romantic walk was better than he’d imagined and now that it was really happening, he could scarcely believe it was real.

 

“I can’t believe we ended up in the same place as Fred,” Yara complained.

 

“I’m glad he found a date. I couldn’t help noticing she looked a little like you.”

 

“Oh, God. You don’t think he’s obsessed with me, do you?”

 

“No, I expect he just has a specific taste. Good taste, though.” Carlton pressed his shoulder to hers.

 

“I just couldn’t stand the idea of him sitting next at the next table noticing us. I’d die of embarrassment.”

 

“I embarrassed you? I tried to dress nice. I even wore a classy red tie,” Carlton teased.

 

“You don’t embarrass me, I embarrass me. I don’t like attention.”

 

“I know. Except for mine.” He grazed his cheek against her head.

 

“Except for yours.” She slid her hand down his forearm and interlaced their fingers.

 

He walked on autopilot, and they’d arrived at the park before he knew it. There were other couples around, but they were alone in their section. They halted next to a bench beneath the light of the rising half-moon.

 

Yara released his arm and stepped back. Carlton put one hand to her side and hesitated. She looked into his eyes and studied his face before stepping forward to wrap her arms around his neck. He put his other hand on her side and pulled her close. They hugged tight and intimately. Carlton’s heart swelled and thumped uncertain if he could survive much more.

 

Yara leaned back but didn’t let go of him. He gazed into her eyes and leaned forward. She watched him but didn’t pull away as he moved his lips towards hers until they met. He kissed her gently and felt her kiss back. He separated and took a deep breath. He touched his forehead to hers.

 

He looked into her eyes and she back to his. He kissed her again and parted his lips to see if she was ready to move forward.

 

Yara yanked her head back.

 

“What are you doing?” She sounded surprised.

 

“I…” Carlton stared at her in confusion.

 

She took a short step backward.

 

How did he read the situation wrong? The pain in his chest was unbearable.

 

“Yara…” He fought for control of his voice and struggled for the words.

 

“I… I need to go.”

 

“Yara, wait.” Carlton started to follow.

 

Yara’s fast walk turned to a jog.

 

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” she shouted back.

 

He stopped and watched her leave in disbelief, crushed at the turn of events. He tried to make sense of her reaction. She had kissed him back, hadn’t she? Did he imagine it?

 

He had fantasized about this night, this moment, those events. Did he simply see what he had always wanted? Had he just ruined his relationship with his best friend, his only true friend?

 

Waves of nausea struck Carlton and he struggled to stand. He sat heavily on the bench gripping his head as he leaned his elbows on his knees.

 

He scarcely remembered the ride back to campus. He debated looking for Yara and trying to make sense of what happened, but facing her now seemed more than he could bear.

 

Instead, he returned to his room and laid in his bed staring at the ceiling wondering if she was in the bed above him. He dreaded seeing her again and was terrified he wouldn’t. He eventually drifted into a fitful sleep.

 

 

In the morning, he didn’t bother getting out of bed. He couldn’t eat. He hardly felt capable of breathing. The hole in his chest ached. He was terminally wounded and longed for his suffering to end.

 

The chirp of his phone surprised him. He saw Yara’s name as he picked it up.

 

We need to talk. Are you awake?

 

Oh, God. No good conversation starts this way.

 

Yes.

 

Open the door.

 

Carlton glared at the door and the potential disaster beyond. Yara is still his friend as long as he doesn’t open it. With building dread, he put his feet on the ground. He shuffled to the door and rested a hand on the knob. He rested his head against the door unable to turn the handle.

 

Carlton felt rather than heard a rap on the door. 

 

“Please,” Yara’s voice pleaded softly.

 

Carlton opened the door bracing for change. Yara was still wearing her dress and his coat when she entered.

 

“I used your credit card to get a cab home. Sorry.” Her voice warbled with emotion. She hung up the jacket on the back of his chair.

 

“It’s fine.”

 

She looked all around the room except at him.

 

“Do you… do you want to sit?” Carlton sat on the end of the bed.

 

She sat down next to him looking out the window.

 

“I’m sorry,” Carlton rasped out.

 

“You’re sorry? I don’t understand.” He could feel her looking at him, but he couldn’t bear to look up from his feet.

 

“I kissed you,” he groaned.

 

“You’re… sorry… you kissed me?”

 

“I thought you wanted me to.”

 

“You only kissed me because it’s what you thought I wanted?” She choked back a sniffle.

 

Carlton met her gaze to find it glazed in tears threatening to roll down her face.

 

“What? No. I…” He couldn’t think straight with her beginning to cry. He reached a hand towards her, but she jumped back to the corner of the bed. He pulled his hand back like he’d been bitten.

 

“Yara, I kissed you because I’ve been dreaming about kissing you since we were twelve. Last night was magical. Getting to date you, the walk, the moonlit park, it just seemed like the perfect moment. I misread the moment. I leaned in and I thought you were there, too. You’re my best friend and I love you; but I love you.”

 

Yara stared at him and blinked twice before taking a breath to speak. Carlton gripped his comforter bracing for what comes next.

 

“I knew. I tried to deny it. I saw the way you looked at me. You never really seemed interested in girls, but I was never interested in guys. I just told myself we were the same. But I knew you weren’t the same. You needed touch as much as I wanted to avoid it. It’s why I learned to be affectionate with you.”

 

“I never wanted your pity.” Now Carlton’s tears dripped down his face.

 

“Pity? Carlton, I love you, too. You’re my best friend; my only friend. I’ve never needed or wanted anyone else.”

 

“But you pulled away. You ran.”

 

“I saw the moment coming. I saw the way your face lit up every time either of us said ‘date.’ But when you kissed me. I wasn’t ready. It took me a while to process. When you tried for more, it was too much. I needed space. Please don’t be mad.”

 

“Mad? I’m not mad. I was hurt. I want you. I didn’t think you wanted me in the same way. I was terrified you wouldn’t be my friend.” Carlton looked at her with tears flowing freely.

 

“We were born together. You will always be my friend.” Yara slid next to Carlton and wiped his face with her thumbs. She left her hands holding his face.

 

“And you will always be mine, but I can’t help wanting more. I’m sorry.”

 

“Stop saying sorry. Do you regret loving me?”

 

“Of course not!”

 

“Do you resent that I love you differently?”

 

“No. But… Are you okay with me having romantic feelings for you?”

 

“It would make it really awkward if I was the only one.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Just because I experience it differently doesn’t mean I don’t have romantic feelings for you. I just need you to give me the latitude to sort them in my own way.”

 

“You have feelings for me?”

 

Yara nodded.

 

“So, you’d be okay if I kissed you?”

 

Yara nodded, again.

 

“Yes.” She scooted closer.

 

Carlton leaned towards her but hesitated halfway. Yara pulled his face in as she closed the gap and kissed him hard. He held her tight for a moment, then withdrew.

 

“Yara, I need to tell you something.”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“Kami knew I’m in love with you. She told you about Fred to prompt me into asking you out.”

 

“But I asked you out.”

 

“I should have told you as soon as we left the library that day. I was afraid if I confessed how I feel, it would change our friendship. I was afraid of losing you if you didn’t feel the same.”

 

“You thought I would stop being your friend if you confessed love and I didn’t feel the same?”

 

“Not stop, but not as close.”

 

“So, you were just going to secretly love me the rest of our lives without telling me?”

 

“I didn’t have a plan. I was just scared.”

 

“So, we owe Kami for pushing us together.”

 

“I guess we do.”

 

Carlton put a palm to her cheek. He studied her face as the weight of loving her for a decade caught up to him. This was all he wanted for so long and it was finally here. Now every day with Yara would be better than the last.

 

Yara gave him a subtle single nod.

 

Obediently, Carlton guided her mouth to his as he moved forward, wrapping his lips around her bottom lip. He felt her hand behind the base of his head and behind his back as she held him tight. He lost his balance as she pushed her body against his, and he fell back onto the bed with her on top of him. A laugh escaped her as she continued kissing him. He held her tight never wanting this moment to end.